Lazy people

My people are lazy. I am just going to come out and say it. Especially the woman - she takes my picture over and over again, yet does nothing with them. People are going to start thinking they don't feed me and are ashamed. WHICH ISN'T TRUE. I eat like a horse. My food is gone in seconds, I love food. All kinds of food. Especially the little tiny pieces of kibble. Why so small? Oh wait, it is for the small fury beasts. The one's who like to take swipes at my perfect little face. The grey one especially, she comes close like she wants to play. So I do what any good dog would do, I chase her and chat with her - what do I get in return, a swat in the face and a growl. How friendly is that. She learned her lesson though. She may kick ass in the house, but outside is my domain. Do you want to know how helpful I am??? Well, I was outside to do my perimeter check when I noticed the small grey beast escape out the back door. I know for a fact the grey thing is not allowed outside. How did respond you ask. Well, first I barked to alert the people that she was outside, then I ran over to her and pinned her under my front paws. She didn't make a peep. No, she wasn't dead - she was stunned. The feline was not harmed in this exercize, but she should know if she is going to try to escape I will always be there! Plan foiled stupid furry beast. Now the other furry beast. My mom calls her Sassy. I think she must be some kind of royalty, because I am not even allowed near her. My mom protects her like she is some kind of special food. Ok, I admit she is rather spectacular looking. I never need to worry about her going outside, and needing to trap her - apparently she is afraid of wind. Something about her fur blowing freaks her out. Anyway, no real altercations with her. She stays away from me and although I try to play with her, I learn quickly that play cannot interfere with napping or grooming. Whatever. I did give my mom a heart attack the other day. They trapped me in that horrible crate for ONE WHOLE HOUR, and when she came home to walk me and feed me I showed her what I thought of that. Innocently enough the mom let me into my backyard kingdom, like any other day. Well this was not like any other day. No, there was a very suspicious looking Robin flying around the backyard. Me in my infinite wisdom automatically knew this Robin was danger. So I went sprinting out into the backyard, lept into the air and caught said Robin - pinning it to the ground. The mother came screaming out from the house, T-BONE NO. What do you mean NO? I am saving you mom. Apparently, the bird was harmless. I released the bird, and was immediately taken into the house. After about 20 minutes I was allowed back out, the Robin recovered and flew away.